- (no subject)
- December 21st, 2007
I woke up this morning, and went to go open the blinds. I heard no one at the door but when i opened them, there were johova witnesses in the window. I just looked at them and walked away. I felt bad.
im writing because I have 15 minutes before i have to go be a hostess and my pains are really bad and i would like to try to ignore them some how.
I have been really up and down latly. Sometimes i feel really happy and great, and then like last night, i just cried for 2 hours.
I feel bad latly because I haven't been able to write much, musically speaking. I feel like I make people sad. I worry so much about everyone elses hearts, i forget about my own and what makes me happy. The hardest lesson in my life has been trying to balence out my extreme care for others, and caring about my self. I think they need to be equal in balence, although sometimes your self has to come first, so that you can be there for others too.
Somedays are just hard, i wake up with pain and feel sick. It kinda supresses my motivation for a lot of things. Maybe that is why i haven't been able to write songs. I just feel so tired all the time and I don't want to be lazy. but at the same time, theres just as many good things going on in my life. Atleast whatever is wrong with me is something that they think they can fix, and i'll be okay soon.
I started going to this non demoninational church that is really cool. What i believe for myself wouldn't nessisarly have to do with like Jesus or any particular religion but they don't really talk about that. More so just what it is to be a good person for the sake of being a good person. And theres a lot of music involved. i know most the people who play, and its really awesome. The priest guy is really hilarous.. its like stand up. that has been good for me. I always believed in prayer, i pray all the time. I don't tell many people that though. I don't pray to God because I don't really believe that there is just one God in the Catholic or christen sense. but i think prayer is just putting out good energy, cause whatever you want to happan and whatever you put out there will always come back to you. My prayers defitally get answered a lot .
Expessally when i was praying in that sweat lodge. I just said I wanted my brother to find his way in the world and be happy with kristen and music, and do something he loves.. and like 2 days later he was going to California so i believe that is really good that he is going.
Hmmmmmmmmmm what else is new..
ohhh me and sam played Stop this train at open mic and it was awesome. I love sam. I feel so special and great that I get to play with him so much. I think i would not be musically how i am if it wern't for him.
I didn;t pass my math class, but im not fretting over it. Due to the fact that i know i tried hard. It would be really bad if i knew i didnt try but i really did. Ill be retaking it for the third time. I feel kinda stupid but math just never really got along with me.
I don't really know what the point of writing in here was, i think to make me feel better. I think it made me feel better. Now its off to work.......
I hope ya'llllllll are doin well
christmas is soon!
It doesn't feel like it though, does it?