IBD
black and white
pezika
Wind of change hit me today
as i saw my brother move away
I wake up to pain
it's getting hard to contain it
somedays

Don't know what I did to deserve this
This pain is beyond the physical surface
Maybe it's all just in my mind but
some say i've been too kind

If i've learned one thing, its hard to forget
it takes a strong one, to forgive
And maybe one day ill wake,
With out the tears to make
I'll be well and fine
this is beyond my mind

you blame it all on the devil
maybe im just not on your "level"
I stoped beliveing in hell years ago
Real hell is when you can't let things go

And maybe one day I will wake,
with out the tears to make
Maybe its all in my mind
but there is no such thing as being too kind.

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
ho hum.


i miss chris.

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
this is pretty great



(no subject)
black and white
pezika
I woke up this morning, and went to go open the blinds. I heard no one at the door but when i opened them, there were johova witnesses in the window. I just looked at them and walked away. I felt bad.

im writing because I have 15 minutes before i have to go be a hostess and my pains are really bad and i would like to try to ignore them some how.
I have been really up and down latly. Sometimes i feel really happy and great, and then like last night, i just cried for 2 hours.
I feel bad latly because I haven't been able to write much, musically speaking. I feel like I make people sad. I worry so much about everyone elses hearts, i forget about my own and what makes me happy. The hardest lesson in my life has been trying to balence out my extreme care for others, and caring about my self. I think they need to be equal in balence, although sometimes your self has to come first, so that you can be there for others too.

Somedays are just hard, i wake up with pain and feel sick. It kinda supresses my motivation for a lot of things. Maybe that is why i haven't been able to write songs. I just feel so tired all the time and I don't want to be lazy. but at the same time, theres just as many good things going on in my life. Atleast whatever is wrong with me is something that they think they can fix, and i'll be okay soon.

I started going to this non demoninational church that is really cool. What i believe for myself wouldn't nessisarly have to do with like Jesus or any particular religion but they don't really talk about that. More so just what it is to be a good person for the sake of being a good person. And theres a lot of music involved. i know most the people who play, and its really awesome. The priest guy is really hilarous.. its like stand up. that has been good for me. I always believed in prayer, i pray all the time. I don't tell many people that though. I don't pray to God because I don't really believe that there is just one God in the Catholic or christen sense. but i think prayer is just putting out good energy, cause whatever you want to happan and whatever you put out there will always come back to you. My prayers defitally get answered a lot .
Expessally when i was praying in that sweat lodge. I just said I wanted my brother to find his way in the world and be happy with kristen and music, and do something he loves.. and like 2 days later he was going to California so i believe that is really good that he is going.
Hmmmmmmmmmm what else is new..
ohhh me and sam played Stop this train at open mic and it was awesome. I love sam. I feel so special and great that I get to play with him so much. I think i would not be musically how i am if it wern't for him.
I didn;t pass my math class, but im not fretting over it. Due to the fact that i know i tried hard. It would be really bad if i knew i didnt try but i really did. Ill be retaking it for the third time. I feel kinda stupid but math just never really got along with me.
I don't really know what the point of writing in here was, i think to make me feel better. I think it made me feel better. Now its off to work.......
I hope ya'llllllll are doin well
christmas is soon!
It doesn't feel like it though, does it?


Jess

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
here you come knockin' on my door
when you said you don't need me any more
Do you really think im crazy enough,
to go throwing my good heart after bad love

What kind of fool do you think i am?
I ain't fallin for you all over again
I aint playin a game i know i can't win
what kind of fool do you think i am

Lost in your love, lord how i burned
You hurt me one time, but i finally learned
Now i found out what your lovin can do
So who do you think you're talkin to?

Tangling my heart with yours just brought me sarrow
You leave me smilin tonight but cryin tomorrow

So don't come knockin, on my door
Cause i know you dont need me anymore
I aint really crazy enough to go throwing my good heart after bad love



I think my dad serectly wrote this for me when i was little, predicting the future.

(no subject)
black and white
pezika

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
i am sorry all my entries are so sad

but i feel so sad tonight.

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
these two weeks have been hard.
im sorry to anyone if im distant
my cousin barb died today
im really in shock..
i dont know what else to say. :(

i want my body to feel normal again
black and white
pezika
throw up and blood.
when will this ever end? :0(

(no subject)
black and white
pezika
CaseyOne copy

My cousin :)


CaseyTHREE

CaseyTWO copy

?

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